so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
