Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize