You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize