my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
