that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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