It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
