Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
