I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
