he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Randomize
