why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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