After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i would one night stand the shit outta him
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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