hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
