im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
