I seem to have left my pride at pride
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
