I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
