3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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