Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im holly from the hills drunk
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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