VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
