He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
