the condom got lost in my hair
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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