The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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