so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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