I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
