Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
People with herpes should wear stickers.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
