Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
