Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He did a backflip because drugs
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
