just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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