My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
