we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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