Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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