I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
