Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
