I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she told me i tasted like america
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
