I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I would ride that face into the sunset
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
