you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
