Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He passed out mid-signature
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
