Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
