remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
