I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
