a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
