Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
