ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
