They should really pass out barf bags in church
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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