I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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