Welp...herpes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
