So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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