my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
