Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
