Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
last night I used snow as a chaser
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
