He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
