I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
A+ Viking dick
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