Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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