Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
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Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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