It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
