this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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