That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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