I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize