I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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