I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
