dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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