I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
