Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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