quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
