Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
