We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
