1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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