we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
