He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
