Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
