well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
