fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
