Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
