I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
