just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
