y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
