That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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