yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I currently don't understand fingers.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
