I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You may now shotgun with the bride
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
